Marriage and the younger generation

At the age of twenty-two, myself and my husband took our vows on a warm July day. According to some, twenty-two was too early to know who we wanted to spend the rest of our life with. Our theory: When you know who you’re supposed to be with, you just know. Why prolong it any further? We’ve done our growing up, went to college, went to basic training, had experiences. We made a decision, not on a whim or because our parents arranged it for us, but because we know the vows we planned on taking were serious and forever, so we had to be right. Both rooted into religion as we are… divorce simply is not an option as it is for some.

A long while ago, society used to marry their daughters very young; in their teen years, to a male that was to be their partner for their rest of their life., it was arranged. Even though unhappy they were stuck with that person for the rest of their lives. Eventually, we chose the male we were to spend our life with and even moreso the age in which we were going to start spending it with them. Couples got married later in life, thirties – forties. Couples waited until they were out of high school, college, have careers, and places of their own before settling down with someone else. As I sat and watched “Say yes to the dress: Atlanta” I was shocked to find out some of the ages of the brides looking for their dresses. There were two specifically that stuck out to me, both were seventeen years old.

At seventeen years old, I was picking out my prom dress not my wedding dress [not that I wore one anyway, but besides the point]. At seventeen years old I was not thinking about marriage, I was worrying about college, grades, swim competitions, SATs, and my boyfriend.  I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do with my life, job wise, until retirement let alone think who I was going to spend the REST of my life with. How at the age of seventeen do you know who are supposed to marry, how could you? Up until that point you are still living at home, having meals prepared for you, being told to do your homework, studying, and socializing at the bowling alley on Friday nights.

These two seventeen year old girls on “Say yes to the dress” were still wearing their braces! And the one was saving her first KISS for her wedding day, first KISS?? You’re going to have your first kiss and your first… um, time be on your wedding night? Wow…isn’t that moving a little – fast? The other girl wanted her wedding dress to be sexy and make her look like a grown up. If you’re trying to “look like a grown up” and “look like you should be taken seriously” you should be shopping for prom dresses and waiting for puberty to hit, not be in bridal wear – unless of course you’re a junior bridesmaid to your older sister.

Is the younger generation, teenagers, taking marriage too lightly? Do they not understand the purpose of marriage, the forever-ness of it? Maybe getting married isn’t a big deal anymore since divorce is so high and can be done simply. At the age of twenty-three, I am absolutely certain I am with who I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with, he brings out the best in me, believes in me, and looks at me in such a way no one ever has, along with a long list of other reasons I know I am supposed to be with him. At the age of twenty-three, I am just realizing what I want to do with my life, career wise. I could never have learned all of this in high school, I didn’t even meet my husband in high school!

Maybe growing up you need solid role models for everything. My grandparents have been married for roughly sixty five years, they’ve been my model for marriage. My husband’s parents have been married for over twenty years, and have been is model for a healthy marriage. I hope that the younger  generation puts as much thought into getting married to someone for the rest of their life as they put into planning their perfect wedding, it’s not a decision to be taken lightly.

They lived happily ever after

Flooded with emotion I can hardly believe the events that are about to unfold today. It’s the event that as a little girl you only dream of and start planning until you find your Prince Charming. You plan the food to be devoured by the hundreds of guests attending; most you can’t remember their names. You plan who will spin the music that the drunken relatives and guests with bad hips will attempt to dance to. The dress has been picked out in a delicate shade of white, the tulle playing peek-a-boo underneath. The tuxes have been measured, hemmed, and perfectly fitted. Everything is in line for perfection; it is just waiting for the cue to start.

This is that day, but there is no white dress or tux, no embarrassing relatives, no planning of food. There is a bride and a a groom with a handful of closest family members. The white dress and tux have been replaced with standard issue digital camo with a flag adorning one side and a rank in the center of the chest. The high heels and shiny black shoes have taken a backseat to the tan laced up combat boots that have seen better days. A tiny courtroom acts as the chapel, the pews are a group of large polished wooden chairs arranged precisely in rows, each one with a perfect view. There are no flowers, no colour pattern, no silly entrance music. There’s a feeling in the room that radiates from everyone. It’s the feeling of parents watching their son grow into the man they raised him to be. It’s the feeling of ten years worth of a friendship watching their once heartbroken friend find the happiness she didn’t think existed.

There is only one thing that matters, the man standing across from me. He’s standing tall and dressed nearly identical to me, one of two differences… the last name on the right hand side. His hands reach over and take mine as we’re about to begin. Dressed in her traditional black robe, the magistrate begins. I know she’s talking, I can only half hear her though, I’m facing the man that I will be spending the rest of my life with and my heart is beating loudly. Holding my hands is the only person I found that makes me feel complete, the crystal blue eyes look at me in such a way I can only describe as: I know this is where I belong. I’ve watched this part in movies, the vow exchange. The part where in front of our little audience, God and each other; we profess to be forever one, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. The amount of emotion in this part of the ceremony is clearly unable to be captured on the cinema screen. I wanted nothing more than to shout “I DO, I REALLY DO’ and kiss him before I was told to do so. Trembling from the happiness and the holding back of tears, I manage to get out my “I DO” just loud enough that he can hear me and know that from this moment I am forever his. He says his “I DO” with confidence in his voice and his mouth forming a smile as he finished and gripped my hands tighter.

“I now pronounce you: husband and wife; you may now kiss the bride” and I melted. Melted into the arms of my true love, the one you think you’re not going to find because it only exists in “The Princess Bride”. However, I found it, and he is my husband.. my husband. I don’t want to let go, I want to stay in this moment as long as I can. As we break apart I feel a tug at my top and the sound of velcro ripping as my maiden name comes off my uniform and is replaced with my husband’s name; our name. And we turn to greet our family, the parents gaining a daughter and the ten years worth of friendship gaining a friend she is fully confident will take care of her “sister”.

Stepping outside, the sun shone brighter than any afternoon I’ve ever experienced in July. The city I spent my life in felt completely different or maybe it was that I felt different not that I’ve changed, but that I felt… whole. “Ready to go?”, and we walk towards the car Mr. & Mrs. getting ready to live happily ever after.

Note: This is my rendition of the event that took place a year ago today on 16 July 2012 when I married my best friend and better half. I only hope that one day everyone finds someone and even if they share an ounce of the passion and love we share for each other than you’ll be happily ever after too. 

Boulevard of Broken Promises.

As kids we take the promises made to us incredibly serious. If mom/dad forgot to take us to the park when they said, we would throw tantrums, pout, or give the silent treatment for hours.  Growing up isn’t much different, we still take those promises to heart. We dream about getting a ring as little girls and beginning to plan our wedding with Prince Charming. That ring is a promise to marry the man that gave it to you, that you said “yes” to, and that you will remain ever faithful. When he gave you that ring, he promised the same thing. Now, we get pretty upset when little promises go south, so you can only imagine when I promise to be with someone for the rest of your life goes the wrong way.

We love to hate the women that cheat on her fiance or husband; hate the men that have affairs as well. However, last night we were watching popular Nicholas Sparks classic love story “The Notebook” and we cheer for Ally and Noah, even when Ally is cheating on her fiance. I never really noticed it until last night, probably because it is a great love story and I am always a sucker for true love conquering all. I’ve been married for almost a year now and I can tell you that this isn’t the first time that we have sat down to watch “The Notebook” together. However, this is the first time sitting down and watching it that I got upset with Ally betraying Lon. Yes, I know that Lon isn’t her true love, her mother stepped in by taking the letters, and things with Noah were never given proper closure or finished, but does that really give her a legit reason to betray Lon by going to see Noah and the house they dreamed of building?

I have a friend who was engaged, and recently I talked to him and found out that his fiance cheated on him. Naturally he was outraged that she did it, called off the wedding, and was crushed. I can’t imagine being in that place. Yet the same thing happened to Lon, we didn’t care and we’re completely thrilled that Ally chose Noah!

What’s your opinion on it? As “The Notebook” lovers, one must have thought about it when this part of the movie presents itself; share that with me… I am curious to know if I am the only one that at one point or another in life, got upset about it.