Call me old-fashioned.

Scene of “Abstinence speech” from 17 Again, starring Zac Efron

It’s called “making love” isn’t it? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think that means you do it with someone you love. And preferably when you’re married. You know, when you’re ready to take that love and turn it into a baby. Because that’s what love is. It’s the first moment when you hold your baby girl… and you didn’t know that anything could be so small or so delicate. And you feel that tiny heartbeat… and you know that you couldn’t love anything more in he whole world. And you hope that you can do right by that little girl… and always be there to catch her when she falls, and that nothing ever hurts her. Not a broken arm… or a bad dream… or a broken heart.  – Mark [Zac Efron], 17 Again

Bravo to the way this was said, written, and the manner in the movie in which it was addressed. For those readers that do not know, this is a quote from the movie “17 Again”. Zac Efron’s character gives this speech which has been labeled the “Abstinence speech” while he was in a high school class and condoms we’re being passed around.

I’m twenty-three years old. I am happily married, my husband and I are currently talking about having our first baby. The first thing that came to mind is us and our wanting to start a family. Why? Because I have found love, I have found love with my husband and we want to turn that love into a baby.

If love was explained to teenagers in this manner perhaps sex would have been taken more seriously [in my opinion]. This monologue in 17 Again, captures the link between love and sex. It’s the fact that you take that love you have for your significant other and you turn it into a baby that the two of you can love, protect and raise together. 17 Again, came out in 2009, my class and myself were already well on our way through adolescence and were one year out of high school already. I spent those four years watching classmates and peers fall in and out of love, get their hearts broken and listen to my mother & sister tell me to wait until I was truly in love [and married] before I had sex for the first time. I watched my younger sister fall in and out of love and talk to me about having sex for the first time. Today, I watch my youngest sister go through the rollercoaster as well. My hope is that she’s watched this movie, she might have it’s Zac Efron, and that this speech hit home and made her realized not to have sex unless it’s love and ready to procreate and have a baby.

I don’t know how many times I can say this to teenagers, don’t have sex unless you WANT a baby, can CARE for a baby, and want to be ATTACHED to the other half of that baby for the rest of your life. Sex isn’t just an activity to have fun and enjoy yourself… it’s to turn love into a little bundle of love that you can raise and cherish.

 

Remember that when you want to take your clothes off, or say that you’re in LOVE with someone.

Teenagers: first love

First love is a little foolishness and a lot of curiousity

–George Bernard Shaw

It’s high school and aside from all the classes, homework, extra curriculars, and athletics, you can’t control the hormones of adolesence buzzing through the crowded halls. You have a boyfriend/girlfriend for maybe a week, break up, bounce back and forth in this game of limbo. There may be another teenager thrown in the mix but it’s all the same – an endless cycle  of on again/off again boyfriends.

Who knows how it starts, it’s different for everyone, you see them whether it’s across the hall, at a football game, or passing each other in the cafeteria; maybe you have a class with them. All you know is that they have your attention and for some reason you are drawn to them. You start talking, hanging out and getting to know each other. Feelings develop; you whisper to your friends that you’re crushing on the special someone in your second period class. One thing leads to another and suddenly you’re boyfriend/girlfriend.

You spend most of the time in your classes writing notes to each other for when your apart and when you leave school you spend countless hours texting them. Those countless hours turn into “No, you hang up the phone first” arguements. You’re friends get jealous they see how happy you are, they want that. Time is going by quickly you barely even realize. One day you are just meeting each other at the  lockers and not trying to hold hands [because you still get sweaty nervous palms around him] and now you’re holding hands and strutting for the world to see. It’s been a MONTH! Longest relationship ever, and you’re starting to think this could be the one for you, that you’re actually starting to more than just LIKE THEM LIKE THEM, but you don’t want to say anything. They’re your first kiss, the romantic kind that you see in the movie and everytime you kiss them after that you get these butterflies you can’t explain. They’re in your head when you’re hearing the sappy Taylor Swift love songs on the radio. They soon become you’re everything and you’re beginning to be able to picture a life with them. They’re the first person you’re going to say “I LOVE YOU” to and mean it. You’re actually going to know the feeling too, not just think you know what the feeling is, you’re actually going to feel it.

They’re your first love.. scary huh? It’s the first person, other than your family, that you’re scared to not have around you anymore. You get scared that they will leave you. You see your future with them and can’t picture it without. This is first love, in my opinion, it’s one of the scariest things to ever experience as a teenager. Like the quote stated above “First love is a little bit of foolishness and a lot of curiousity” is exactly right. It’s foolish to think that at such a young age that you have found the person that you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. It’s foolish to think that you actually know what you’re life is going to look like outside of high school. It’s foolish to think that being someone’s first love, means that you are going to be their last as well. It’s a whole lot of curiousity because you’ve never experienced it before. You’ve never felt the emotions before, never felt the electricity before. It’s curiousity because you have these hormones gearing you, fueling you, and you want to explore. You’re curious to know about the other, mentally and physically. You’re foolish to think that you are old enough to know that these curiousities can’t get you into trouble. You’re foolish to think that these curiousities won’t lead to something foolish and unplanned.

First love: that first person that took your breath away, stole your heart and you didn’t want it back. The first person you thought was going to be the one you were going to spend the rest of your life with. The one person with the means to destroy you just by simply leaving. First love is that whirlwind of emotion as if you are falling into wonderland and can’t/don’t want to stop.

First love ends. I hate to break it to you, but more times than not; it ends. It crushes you and that’s when you realize it’s first love. You don’t want to eat, you cry yourself to sleep, and you try to avoid everyone that seems happier than you are. You play “My Happy Ending” by Avril Lavigne on repeat for two weeks while avoiding eye contact with said first love in the hallway. Honestly, you think you are never going to be happy. You never think you will find that one person to spend the rest of your life with, because in your eyes, they just left.

I’ll tell you something; the next few boyfriend/girlfriend you have after this first love, you will compare them to that person. You will, but eventually… in time you won’t. The sad songs won’t seem as sad, the sun won’t seem so bright, and you’ll have moved on. You won’t be angry, you won’t be sad, you won’t feel the twinge when someone mentions their name… you’ll be free. And in being free, you’re able to search for your last love….

And can I tell you a secret? Being somebody’s first love it great, but being someone’s last love… that’s an amazing feeling completely indescribable.

Age bouts: your first bikini.

As warmer weather approaches so does the question about what is a suitable age for parents to let their daughters purchase their first bikini. You see little kids in bikinis that their parents pick out and you think it is absolutely adorable [at least I do]. These first bikinis come equipped with skirts, ruffles, colours, and embellishments. What I want to know is when/at what age does the bikini go from innocence to trying to attract more attention than needed at a young age?

I’m almost 23 years old and I remember picking out and purchasing my first bikini. I was thirteen when I got my first two piece that my mother didn’t pick out for me. It was bright orange with blue/pink hibiscus flowers on it. It was a triangle top with a full coverage bottom, nothing was exposed and I made sure of it. I was a flat chested thirteen year old with no interest in boys [in my eyes they still had cooties]. My biological father never let my younger sister where a bikini until she eventually purchased one at 14 years old without him knowing. It was purple with lime green polka dots, and a triangle top that tied and you were able to move the pieces depending on the amount of cleavage you chose to show. The difference between myself and my well endowed younger sibling was two things: 1. we were raised by different sets of parents 2. she cared about boys, her appearance, and being well liked. Kids, children, teenagers, whatever they are nowadays are “maturing” faster, they’re filling out and developing faster than I could have ever dreamed. They’re wearing makeup earlier, dating, having their first kiss, and trying to pick out their first bikini earlier. They care what they look like and wouldn’t be caught dead getting dirty in the mud or roaming around in soffee shorts and a t-shirt during the summertime months.

In my opinion, when a daughter starts to care if boys are looking at her and goes to extra lengths to make sure she is perfect every time she leaves the house that is the perfect time to WATCH WHAT BATHING SUIT SHE WANTS! I’m not saying that she can’t have the bikini or can’t wear one, but it should be screened by parents. She’s not a Victoria’s Secret Angel, she doesn’t need a push up or movable pieces. She doesn’t have to show off the cleavage she developed, there will be plenty of time for that when she is older. Her swimsuit attire should be modest and be suitable for a young lady, not something you find on the VSFS runway.

When she gets about half way into high school, again in my opinion, would be the time to allow her some freedom of choosing WHATEVER bikini she wants. You have already instilled in her the tools for flattering her body, being modest, and having self respect for her body.

What’s your opinion on first bikinis? When did you get your first, with full freedom to choose? How do you plan on gauging when is an appropriate age for your daughter? Spill?